Men in Focus: We all have a story

Words: Matt Tripet

He had been sitting there with his legs slung over his bike, perspiration dripping down his face, specks of mud and dirt stuck to his legs, eyes wide open looking blankly through tears into a blue sky but nothing registered internally. His senses were numb, his lungs burning, his heart pounding, all sounds of the wind in the trees and the chirping birds, the smell of the mountain air… it was all lost in his overwhelming thoughts.                                    

That moment on the mountain top turned from minutes into hours as he continued to be attacked with feelings of insecurity, guilt and brokenness; feelings that were once sporadic after ‘those events’ but had now become a part of his everyday life. 

Many of those close to him tried to reach out but were only hurt as he continued to shut them out of his life. He hated the idea that something was wrong and any reference to the word ‘depression’ just seemed a total cop-out to his character.

We have grown up with the idea that Australian men are an open book, and are pretty easily understood. However, our mainstream health services even struggle to understand and know how to engage successfully with our male counterparts. The most telling evidence of this is reflected in male suicide rates, with males accounting for nearly 78% of all suicides in Australia. A very real and staggering statistic that has not declined in the last 20 years.

Perhaps this trend indicates that men aren’t as well equipped to deal with stress, sadness, or anxiety – emotionally or socially? Or maybe men suffer from a social disposition, or find themselves predisposed to be unable to effectively recognise or deal with feelings of stress, sadness or anxiety?

In fact, research points out that today’s male response to stress mimics the behaviours our ancestors exhibited in our primitive past, the notion of ‘fight, or flight.’ Still wired in our brains today, the ‘fight, or flight’ response involves a complex array of chemical reactions and changes in body function. The trouble is the mundane aggravations, or circumstances we may encounter in daily life can activate the stress response. These surges of chemicals and change in bodily function are aimed at much less frequent threats. Get stressed too frequently, or for prolonged periods and the body can take a terrible pounding.

While I’ve always been very guarded in respect to my personal experiences, this research really resounded with me.

I was the guy on his bike in the first paragraphs of this article. I suffered from bouts of PTSD and depression in my mid-20s, some episodes were mild but escalated very quickly for a prolonged period of time. My stoic nature was stopping me from reaching out and I was emotionally destroying everyone I loved around me. I also found myself repeatedly punishing myself physically and mentally as a coping mechanism.

It wasn’t until all the cards were on the table that I realised I was unwell and that my mindset had started to change in respect to my ideas of ‘mental illness.’

Over time it became easier for me to accept that mental illness was not a term used to describe one’s character trait but in fact a term used to describe one’s mental health. It wasn’t until I changed my thinking through the love and support of an amazing wife, family and professional intervention did I realise the difference.

The reality is, each of us have felt the struggles associated with feelings of stress – we have all experienced it at some point. And most of us would agree that it isn’t a very pleasant feeling. The big problem for Aussie men is, we are notorious for bottling up our emotions, we choose to suffer in silence and in some cases can self-medicate with alcohol or even drugs.  

As a community we need to be more aware of the impact and prevalence of mental illness and have more empathy for one another, understanding that everyone has a story. Nearly half of the Australian population will suffer from mental illness at one point in their life and I think it would be safe to say most of us knows, or has known someone who has had their struggles.

I firmly believe that if we as a community become more aware of the impact and prevalence of mental illness, we can become community proactively addressing the impacts of mental illness. And together, we can change the outcomes for someone.

Tomorrow is a great day to ask a mate to go for a ride and have a chat!

The Fly Program is a registered Health Awareness Charity focused on providing early intervention programs for Australian men who have been impacted by mental illness.

For more information on our organisation, or to make a tax deductible donation please visit www.flyprogram.org.au

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